Thursday, April 03, 2014

Carpe Diem - Oh, My!

I thought I did the right thing yesterday.  I took care of enough of my social media life to create space today to do things for myself.  As a consequence, I woke in a sick-stomach anxiety that isn't wearing off. 

Me?  I don't do "me," contrary to what blogging suggests. Any readers who are new to this blog can go back and see how sparsely I actually post except for this Lenten promise.  What did I do in the months between blogs?  I did my social media gig, walked dogs, hid in books or reality television (bring on The Shahs of Sunset!).  Sometimes I was working on Love Sick.  But it beats the hell out of me what I was actually doing beyond hiding from myself and plotting paying down my debts.

I will say that blogging and my failing willingness to say the rosary have kind of woken me up.  I'm still deep in re-watching House but it's mostly because after a day of tweeting, pinning, posting, researching, Googling and trying to make rain, my back hurts from my shitty chair.

No, wait.  That's not quite true.  That's why I lie down.  Watching House is escaping things like reading the Gospel accounts of the Passion or any of the other reading research I should be doing for "me".

So here I am, 15 minutes away from the first dog walk of the day with pretty much the whole day wide open to -- what? 

I'm overwhelmed with the what and I don't do well when there's so much to do.  I panic.  I hide.

There are things for the rosary proposal I can do now, like explaining what it is to non-Catholics/Christians.

There is work I need to do in advance of Love Sick.  Start a Pinterest page.  Write some proposals to websites and other publicity venues.  Update my webpage.

I want to start a story about someone under the influence of a cult.  The cult is not the story, only background.  It would be the seed of a novel.

I have a half dozen emails from friends and family I need to attend to.

There is housework to be done.

A lot of what I'd like to propose to other `zines depends on blogging for Psychology Today.  I have two ideas to pursue for them.  I should get going.

I have a lot of books to read in research.

So I'm twisting on the end of a string here, going around and around, unable to prioritize.  I could take all these things and put them in a hat, pull one out and try really hard to ignore the siren call of the others that feel equally in need of tending.

Or I could walk Honey Bear and bury myself in bed with Greg House, telling myself I'll tend to something later.

And this?

Is how I make myself crazy.


Hilary said...

I know there's an upside and a downside to working at home. My daughter is also self-employed. She prefers it in many ways to her former job with the long commute, etc. But there is a downside of course. It's hard to separate work life from home life. I don't think I could be like either of you. I was never self-employed. I give you credit. I can understand how it could be very panic-inducing at times. I wish you luck with your prioritizing.

Anonymous said...

You're a lovely shade of Crazy. Just my color.

Kitty said...

Please please consider writing more books, I would love to read fiction that you write. I am greatly looking forward to lovesick, but like all things I enjoy I suspect it will be greedily devoured it in a short space of time.
Wishing you all the best