Sunday, May 04, 2008

Floundering

I guess the word "flounder" relates to the fish thrashing at the end of the hook or caught in the net, gasping, its wide flat body flailing against reality. But honestly, look at that fish: its face seems upside down...

Which is how I'm feeling.

Lots of sugar.

23 hours abstinent.

Hung-over not only from sugar but weeks of stress & not having the emotional reserve to, say, reply to some emails that spoke to my heart. Flipping through ideas for the Next Project like flimsy rollodex cards. Still doing my Sunday in the Park with George obsession because now I have the soundtrack.

I was weeping through it yesterday as I huddled in bed & was struck by the bit near the end in which the grandson of Seurat realizes & is pushed to realize by the ghost of his grandmother to "move on". Just move. Go. Take a step, any step except backwards. Somehow that retrieved an idea from past ideas that I did nothing with at the time. I don't know what to do with it yet but I will say it involves Jane Austen & that I know I'll have to make jokes about that.

I have little to say as you can see from the transparency of this entry but I feel like reaching, albeit blindly, out. Here are four weird things that annoy me in an amusing way:

1. The technogeek who set up my internet home page as "SearchSave.com". Type in any collective noun -- "love" or "understanding" -- and here are three of the first four results:

"Shop and compare great deals on Understanding and millions of other products."
"Find the Best Deals. Shop for Understanding now."
"We've sorted through the top Understanding sites for you. Quick look ups made easy."

Oh, Lord.

2. Gmail. I'm using it because my normal internet email is wonked but I'm coming to really loathe it. It snoops in the contents of messages & throws a column of supposedly related ads at me. A recent email concerned a couple of writers' retreats & the ads are:

"Chicago Loft Apartments"
"The Lofts at Perkins Row"
"Sky View Parc"
"Luxury USC Living"

They should change the name to BigBrothermail.com

3. Open the lid of an Enenmann's apple strudel box & this is part of what you can read:

"Whether the occasion is dessert, snacking or a breakfast treat, you will find there is an Entenmann's product just right for anytime. Try one today and choose your favorite!"

Ummm... Why put this INSIDE??? Isn't it redundant? "Dessert, snacking or breakfast" are NOT the same as "anytime". I myself have had Entenmann's as my starter and entree, and always as medication.

4. Three cars parked in a row outside the bank this morning. A Hybrid first, then a Jeep, then a car service Town Car idling as the driver waited for his passenger. It was Henry Ford's descent into hell.

5 comments:

Inky said...

I love your "What I'm reading now" list. Thanks!

Did you know that flounders are born like normal fish, with one eye on each side, but as they spend their lives on their sides, one eye moves over to the top side?

What lousy writing on the Entenmann's package. Their writers need to start eating some of the product, with a big cup of coffee, before they begin work each day.

Inky said...

I cried during Sunday in the Park with George, too. During the first act it was because I had snapped at a dear friend that I didn't see often enough while we were looking for our seats (she forgave me). Then later, I cried in a good way over the artistic and love stories. My eyes were basically never dry, from either laughter or tears, the whole time. (We saw it as a Harvard student production, a couple of years ago.)

Actually, the most recent time I cried during a theatrical production was during Wicked, when Elphaba and Fiyero came together at the end. We were seated pretty close to the stage, and Glinda stared at me crying as if I were the one with a green head.

So I can't flatter myself to say "I know how you feel," but I just thought it might help you to hear someone else admit she bawls in the theater.

daisyk said...

Besides "Sunday," I've had three other major theatrical crying jags: Carousel, Elaine Stritch's one-woman show, & Metamorphosis, which I think is the only straight play that's cut my heart out...

Beula said...

That fish is upside down. I just know it.

Isn't relief a pain in the neck? I am so used to being stressed out/under presure that I come unglued when the pressure lets up. I am at loose ends and can't figure out what to do next.

You have been stressed out for months now. No wonder you are floundering now that you have ACCOMPLISHED your GOAL. Give yourself some slack and enjoy the pleasures of A JOB WELL DONE.

Cindy154 said...

"move on". Just move. Go. Take a step, any step except backwards" - I copied that and pasted it on a page, printed it out several times and cut it out in strips for bookmarks, and a note to myself in my purse. I needed that. Thanks!!!