Saturday, July 19, 2014

Weird Saturday

It's gray outside.  It's cool but not cool enough to turn off my rattling air conditioner that keeps Daisy from hiding in the bathroom on the cool tile.  Everything feels off today.  Was it because I woke up a couple of hours later than usual, after a dinner party in some friends' garden?  Because I didn't take anything to sleep, making me vaguely anxious on a day when I have few obligations to the world?  Long dreams?

I don't know.  It's after 1 and it could be ten in the morning or six at night.  I did my first, essential rounds of social media for the day and I don't think it should have taken three hours -- but I wasn't hacking around.  If felt very slow motion.  Lots of looking and not finding, but the looking is essential.

Or is it that I waited forever for Deborah Harkness to finish the All Souls Trinity and it was mind candy I haven't had in a long time?  The problem with the last two books, Shadow of Night and The Book of Life, seems to me a fear of getting going that makes the first two-thirds of each book a lot of scene changing but little tension, and then a hurry-up through what should be drawn out. 

I feel a little guilty about saying this because I'm lousy at my own plots and if I only had skill in that discipline I wouldn't have to write about me-me-me all the time.  But I think she could learn something from reading The Return of the King.  And it feels like fear rather than lack of talent.  And there she is, making a gazillion dollars despite these problems because somehow the story is really compelling.

I'm pissed off that my mind candy is done.  I read The Book of Life on Kindle and flipped to some research after finishing, only to gag at the cloyingness of some forward to a book about 20th century popes and their relationships to the Virgin Mary.  Should I read BOF again?  Would I like it more?


I also want to work, which is why I'm at least writing my blog, and I want to hear from Dar, who is or isn't dead on the streets, and I want him to go away and leave me to get over him some more.  And I want to go to Copenhagen and get a juicer and I think there's room for a pony in the Bat Cave if it wears a diaper.

Ha!  The co-op board, in its un-wisdom about dogs, put a size restriction on future canines.  Daisy is grandfathered in.  But there's nothing in the bylaws about ponies and I could save a lot of subway fare...

God.  It's not quite 1.30 in the afternoon and something is stirring in me at the same time that time feels like t-i-m-e.  I am restless to be absorbed.  It's very hard to become absorbed when one is restless unless it's to escape self.  I'd like to avoid that today -- such a lovely empty day -- but I don't know if I have the strength.

But I just made breakfast.  Maybe that will help.  Maybe someone will find something to relate to in here and compliment me, which I seem also to be hungry for.  Oi!  I should go buy flowers or really cook something for dinner or go to Pinterest with a vengeance.

Or work on the rosary proposal.  After I eat.  After I do dishes.  After I.......


Hilary said...

I swear your blog this time expresses my feelings so well on finding something to read which really hits home, on having a day off which had loomed temptingly only to find that one is restless, off schedule, and at odds with oneself.

I think as we get older we're sensitive to being off our sleep routines. We desperately need people for the sake of sanity sometimes but the resulting late night and late morning puts a dent in motivation. The obligation-free day which we hoped to enjoy and to maybe even accomplish a task or two is marching by relentlessly--and yet sometimes not quickly enough. Time is such a conundrum. Anticipation of a day often exceeds the reality.

I sometimes try to structure my days and then I say that it feels too much like I have an agenda. Thanks for providing us with just another aspect of the human condition and sorry this is so long it's almost like a blog.

Anonymous said...

I'm here with a compliment. Almost daily, okay, daily I check to see if you have posted. I've read your books and keep them in a treasured iron basket next to my bed for when I need a dose.

It is too sunny and the summer seems to drag on. I long for crispness and know significant time has to pass until then. I envy your gray.

Does Daisy like having her ears rubbed?


Hilary said...

I have found myself longing for crisp, cool days when it's summer. Now that I like to swim it's different. I often think that my husband wouldn't have minded the Bat Cave. He loved gloomy days so that he didn't have to feel bad about hibernating. Well, he's done with hibernating--I can't picture heavenly bat caves but then again who knows. I used to tease him and call him "Heathcliff." But I don't mind grayness too much either especially when I'm busy and feel cozy inside. I confess--I've become a daily checker of Car on the Hill also. Always so thought provoking, Frances.

Anonymous said...

Like a previous commenter, my copy of Lovesick arrived in last Friday's mail. Unlike that poster, I read it in one sitting.

And now I want more :)

Maybe reading/eating habits aren't really that dissimilar?