I should have kicked & screamed when plans were being made for my mother's memorial service in Missoula. I am booked until about Friday, November 6, & had earlier advocated for doing it on Thanksgiving weekend but I acquiesced to doing it on the 1st. I didn't know how much I needed to see old friends, of mine & of my parents, & to see my oldest nieces & nephews.
It's like a whole new fucking death, this being cut out of the formality of saying goodbye. What was I thinking?
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Frances, I just saw your Facebook status about this. Is there ANY way you can wiggle out of some obligations and get to the service this weekend? I'm really very sorry. :-(
Nope. I've had a dog on my books for three months & next week I'm doing a promotional video with my publisher. I made all of that clear when the date was discussed. Come to think of it, I tried again to get the date moved fairly recently. Sigh.....
She is your mother. It seems that your schedule should be of utmost importance in setting the date.
PS - What I mean is that I think the people in Missoula should delay the memorial service until you can attend.
Sorry, Frances, for this and for everything you have been through recently. I will say a prayer for you and your mother on Nov. 1.
JMo
I can't believe they would consider scheduling this for a day that you would not be able to be there. Angry on your behalf.
This happened to me as well. My mother died Sept 9th, in the Bay Area. I live overseas...had already made one trip to see her when she was diagnosed in June. My "family" insisted on scheduling the service immediately "because that's when everybody is able to come" whereas I needed 48 hours to get my ducks in a row...arrange childcare, get time off from my job, find a flight and the money to pay for a last minute ticket.
No consideration was given to my obstacles at all....so I told my Aunt (my mother's sister) to just go ahead and hold the service without me.
Your statement about a second death is spot on. Any chance on mourning was ripped out of my hands by a bunch of control freaks who took delight in seeing how many hoops they could make me jump thru.
What Jen said. {{{Frances}}}
Now Frances... How do you think that dog owner would feel if he/she knew you were missing your mother's service because of them?!
This is a time that you take care of YOU. It is something that you can't get back ~ there are no "do-overs."
Be angry with your family for planning without considering you, but then do what you need to do to make it right (for you... whatever "right" means...).
I'm totally pissed off for you.
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