Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Best I Can Do

I was just commenting over at "Dear Ethel" that I don't think the originators of Thanksgiving and Christmas would find it in the least bizarre that their heirs would be grouchy. The Pilgrims were a miserable lot & hungry as hell. The Indians were scared of the white intruders. Mary was not gracefully praying over the manger & Joseph was probably bedded down in the straw with both God & the Mother of God in order to generate some badly needed body heat.

All these folks -- who were grimy, cold, hungry, frightened & physically exhausted, as well as thankful & in awe -- were probably pretty crabby.

So I'm advocating the OK-ness of wishing people a Grumpy Holiday Season. Personally, I'm going to concentrate on doing the best I can, enjoying what I can & avoiding talking too much about myself for fear of breaking into tears.

Hence: one pretty bad photo of the Empire State Building in autumnal colors. My amazement at the roses that are still hanging on. Curling up with whatever dogs I have on hand & watching their trusting sleep.

Thanksgiving was a near-tragedy in errors. I spilled pureed sweet potatoes all over the oven & couldn't clean the mess up sufficiently to avoid an hour of smoke. On my way to bed that night, I smashed & broke a toe (another toe; again). I took three things to Thanksgiving dinner & felt like I was catering the whole meal for twenty people. My life has gotten so small over the last five years that I'm easily overwhelmed. I 1) have to respect that, & 2) have to work on it.

Getting Daisy, a crate, luggage & myself to Newark for a 6.30 a.m. flight should challenge my hide-in-a-shell mentality.

I had five dogs to take care of that day as well. One of them lives about a mile from where we had dinner. Too full, having drunk a number of glasses of wine, exhausted, I walked three dogs down to DUMBO & left my keys in Henry's door. I didn't realize this until Chance, Daisy & I got back to the Heights. No. Way. I saw a light on in my building. No one answered. We turned around & got the doorman at Chance's house to let us in & bunked down there & picked up the keys in the morning.

Pressure. Thursday Daisy & I move to Molly's house for three nights & four days. I leave for Arizona on the 18th for three weeks. I've wrapped all the presents I have on hand & will mail them by the end of the week. A little compulsive, Frances?

Yes & yes. I should be getting editorial notes this week & will have a little over two months to revise my manuscript in a publishing atmosphere of canceled contracts & retrenchment. I'm scared. I have a lot of work to do. I have to get as much Christmas done in advance as possible. It would be a wonderful thing if I opened the box of cards at my feet & started them tonight, but I still have Italian greyhounds to feed as well as myself.

I would like to not eat sugar tonight.

I deserve to not eat sugar tonight. I wrapped those presents, having hand-picked them. Some of them are inspired. I did laundry this weekend & swept the kitchen floor after cooking before putting down the clean kitchen rug. I put all the summer linens away. I've done the dishes & taken a bath. Surely I've done Enough to merit going to sleep easily, without the aid of sugar?

I can't be a size six for my parents this Christmas, which would be their favorite present. But I could lose six pounds.

But oh Lord, the oblivion! I love the oblivion!

Angry Advent, everyone!


Jen said...

You've done Enough. You ARE Enough. Hope you have a satisfying Grumpy holiday.

JS said...

I can't be a size six for my parents this Christmas, which would be their favorite present.

That makes me sad for them, and for you. Your body is your own, not theirs. Your fitness decisions are yours, not something you "give" them.

charengiwooman said...

Various dieting、beauty, healthy is written in this blog.

Japanese langueage バックシャン backshan

It sees instinctively turning around when it dresses, it behaves, and the woman with beautiful appearance to walk is seen.
After there is a word beautiful backing in Japan, the woman with beautiful appearance is said.
Will you think it is too good somehow though it is not used now?

Bea said...

Yuppo, Angry Advent.

I went to a "Greening of the Church" party on Saturday that almost ended in a fistfight, and death. Let me just say, do not balance a prelit plugged in Christmas tree in the bathroon sink of the men's room while you try to figure out why the top third of the tree will not light. When the faucet drips you get one heck of a shock.

Also do not attempt to intercede in the argument between the pastor's wife and her teenage daughter about appropriate Christmas concert attire. Especially when the daughter is armed with a BIG wooden wiseman on a camel.

Happy Holidays.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your site. I need the encouragement and found it here.

Come and read my real life story and how it worked for me.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I really like your shopping links and can totally relate to loving to eat in so many different, maddening ways.

Annimal said...

My favorite word today is Fuck. Just Fuck.
Grumpy? Bah.
I want to wake up and have it be January 2nd. But I don't want that either.
A good cry (over what exactly?) or a shot of Jack Daniels?

Anonymous said...

You deserve not to have sugar, I like that. Sugar is one of the most important things to cut back on when trying to lose weight. Way too much sugar in everything out there.

Anonymous said...

I'm having an Indifferent Holiday. I just do not give a frappé.
Really have not wanted to participate in years, but could not find a graceful way out.
This month I am moving to a mountain town six hours away. I do not have time for anything-- I have to pack and move.

Next year? No worries. I will be 300 miles away. Heh. heh. heh... I have a madness to my method.

Everyone have a Crabby "Holiday" and a Cranky New Year!

Laura N said...

I love the idea of a grumpy holiday. Like Charlie Brown. I identify with that boy, oh so well.

You have had a rough year, but you have come through. And you will continue to move forward, because it's what We do. I hope your Christmas with your parents is filled with love & fond memories. Have safe & easy travels, my friend.

Anonymous said...

"All these folks -- who were grimy, cold, hungry, frightened & physically exhausted, as well as thankful & in awe -- were probably pretty crabby." This is inspired -- thank you!! The human condition is that we are uncomfortable, dissatisfied and crabby so often and it's liberating to accept that and to even embrace it. I've subscribed to your feed :)