Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Insurance policies


Each morning as I leave the house, usually a little late and feeling harrassed and scared about the advnetures and confrontations and possible disapprovals I'll be garnering to come, to pick up the first dog of the day. I pat myself down as I walk toward the front door.
Watch.
Cookies.
Bags.
Cigarettes.
Keys -- musn't forget keys!
Some days there are other items. My camera. Invoices for my services. My big clip to tie dogs up outside the next stop on our way to the dog run. Lists for errands. I consider what is in my backpack, which I'll pick up as we swing back. Enough balls for everyone to play? The flinger stick? The tug-of-war rings? The spray bottle to keep -- ha ha ha -- Henry from eating sticks?
Those things established, I have an 8-block walk to pick up Hero, time to think about my other insurance policies. Or maybe the better word for them is "investments". I ask myself, what have I done so far in insure/invest in an abstinent day.
The first items are almost always the same. A weighed & measured breakfast. Doing the dishes. Taking my medications. Brushing my teeth.
I tend to forget that the quiet time Daisy allows me while she wallows in the pillows & I have coffee & cigarettes in the kitchen is partly spent in prayer. I tend to forget that before I went into the Rooms, I rarely hung up my nightgown or did a cursory wash on a day I wasn't going to be "public" (i.e., office, seeing people, etc.)
Today I used my 10-minutes or so to ask myself what else I needed to shore up today's abstinence. A weighed & measured lunch & dinner, certainly. Putting in some time writing just as certainly -- that pride at the end of the day is valuable. Being present for the dogs came next, again a matter of pride at the end of the day.
Then there are little things. Doing lunch & dinner dishes. Picking up groceries to get a head start on boarding a dog for the next four nights. Trying not to fall into the black hole of mahjongg. Posting my daily inventory of food & actions & responding to others' inventories in a hopefully supportive way.
Service is important. Small service is always available. I picked up a chicken bone from the sidewalk, angry at the sloth & danger someone exhibited in dropping it. I picked up some fresh poop in the dog run because I knew I had enough bags. Maybe my blog will help someone; maybe my responses to other blogs will. Picking up the phone when I'm home & returning calls -- no one calls me unless they need me, or need to be needed by me.
Today I'm trying an experiment. I usually have my second carbohydrate at dinner. The trouble is, I'm often too tired to cook dinner. So I roasted my Brussels sprouts & potatoes while I was in the shower & am eating as I write. Maybe I'll be more content with less labor-intensive (gee: 10 minutes) meal tonight.
Oh -- washing my hair! That was necessary to today's investment, as are clean clothes.
It's interesting to see that the shower I put off too long took 15 minutes. The labor-intensive meal was 10 minutes. What's up with that? One answer is that I really am tired by 6.
I even `fessed up the true amount owed from a dog-sitting gig. I hate asking for things, even things that are mine. I crossed a character fault, on of my San Andreas veins, & did the right thing for a me who has a lot of taxes owing. I stood up for myself.
So overall, now that it's 2.30 p.m., I've already put a good deal of investment in keeping my abstinence intact. If I were really motivated, I'd hie me to that Greysheet meeting tonight or call someone from program.
Dunno if that will happen. I still have to wash these dishes, put on clean clothes, keep my energy intact enough to write later & have one more round of Good Dog to give.
But I've begun.

4 comments:

Beula said...

I read your blog and thought, "how can she not bathe daily?" (tisk, tisk, tisk) Then I thought, "if you did not have to get in bed with someone would you bathe daily?" Not on your nellie. I take a quick shower fifteen minutes before Mark walks in the door in the evening. It is a major effort to shave my legs once a week for church. I guess I am expecting an inspection or something. Nothing profound here just avoiding balancing checkbook. Keep on writing.

Helen said...

I love mahjongg on-line too...I used to play more...do you play with other people or solitaire? I'm a solitaire addict! :-)

Cindy174 said...

Your post today really helped me, so you can count it as service work for sure. I love the "investment/insurance" view of what you have done today for your abstinence. An inventory. It gave me a wonderful jolt. That is what I love about the blogs. There is so much support and inspiration here and so many people to support and inspire. It almost gets me weepy just thinking about it. Thanks so much.

jen said...

I hope that the afternoon snack (metabolic adjustment) works out for you so you're not so tired and starved by the time you get back in from wrangling dogs.

Hope the dogs are good for you.

This post was a really interesting one -- I like the idea of investment. I'll have to think about what I could invest in my own attempts to Do the Right Thing.