tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post4757489281954556445..comments2024-03-06T05:16:16.411-05:00Comments on car on the hill: BaggageFrances Kuffelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928021465309402200noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-6398190401635921182007-06-01T08:24:00.000-04:002007-06-01T08:24:00.000-04:00Thanks for this post. It helped fortify me in batt...Thanks for this post. It helped fortify me in battle with some monsters of my own this week.Nanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16579641591987288245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-49144534056319650332007-05-31T11:25:00.000-04:002007-05-31T11:25:00.000-04:00I also read something from a man called David Rock...I also read something from a man called David Rock.<BR/>He talks about behaviour in a very interesting way. He talks about inspiration as being the only way to create permanent change in behaviour.<BR/>Our behaviour is as unique to each of us as a fingerprint. <BR/>Our behaviour is ruled by the maps we have created in our minds and these maps are created by our own set of unique experiences througout our life. <BR/>The only way to change the behaviour is to change the map.<BR/>He copied this idea from a Dr Jeffrey Schwartz. He has done work, at UCLA, with OCD patients. He is so successful getting permanent change in behaviour with these people that they are able to stop taking meds.<BR/>I say all this stuff because the way both you and I eat is a behaviour as unique to you as it is to me. So it is next to impossible for anyone to tell you or show you how to deal with your food behaviour.<BR/>It also means that to talk about the behaviour I want to change, in a negative way, only reinforces the map we have created in our heads. It deeply imbeds the behaviour and it will never change for me unless I create a new map.<BR/>Sorry for any grammar mistakes but when I write I don't usually worry about it much. If I want to create a final draft I do and this is just conversation.Maureenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01359508290593106696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-39453462162054354352007-05-31T10:11:00.000-04:002007-05-31T10:11:00.000-04:00Ambivalent men really are the curse of the dating ...Ambivalent men really are the curse of the dating world. Don't let the bastards get you down, Frances.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-87841198148785671702007-05-31T08:39:00.000-04:002007-05-31T08:39:00.000-04:00My real self is quite certain that what others thi...My real self is quite certain that what others think, feel and do is a result of the complex set of experiences and emotions they have had, and not only are mostly none of my business, but usually have nothing to do with me whatsoever<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>It's not just a war for a fit body, but for permission to experience the full range of human emotion without fear or subsequent judgment. The Fat Self is going down<BR/><BR/><BR/>I don't remember what blog I copied this from, but when I read it, it helped me some with the thoughts that you are going through. It's not all about us--the other people have their own set of issued, and it's not that we are worthy or not worthy, but just often not meaningful to that person, not consequential to their existence, and we should not judge ourselves based on their reactions. This is the most difficult lesson to learn for me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-50597030577870189722007-05-31T00:15:00.000-04:002007-05-31T00:15:00.000-04:00I too read your book Passing for Thin. Your blog r...I too read your book Passing for Thin. Your blog reads like my journal.<BR/>MaureenMaureenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01359508290593106696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-46072976606769771932007-05-30T19:53:00.000-04:002007-05-30T19:53:00.000-04:00Sounds like you need a break from on-line men for ...Sounds like you need a break from on-line men for a little bit! ;-) Give yourself that space and when you come back to it, I'll bet you find one that is worthy of YOU. Why don't we ever think "well, he wasn't worthy of me because he didn't treat me right"? Why do we always blame ourselves?<BR/><BR/>Personally, when I was on-line dating, I wouldn't do the back-and-forth e-mail or phone thing more than once or twice before meeting...I had to make the point that I was interested in dating, not goofing around. That also avoided the possibility of getting attached to the idea/dream of the other person and having that hope dashed when who they were in reality (or who I was in reality) did not live up to the idea/dream. Does that make sense? Hope so.<BR/><BR/>Having said that, I also tried to do the on-line thing in small doses -- maybe a month on and 6 months off. That avoided some of the fatigue of meeting so many people who were never the right one.<BR/><BR/>Of course, maybe you are not feeling good enough about you right now to even deal with meeting...in that case, I think you should wait until you feel good about you (not necessarily the physical you -- God knows, if I waited for that, it could be FOREVER -- but the real YOU you). Feeling bad about physical you is a symptom of feeling bad about YOU you, I think...<BR/><BR/>P.S. I met my DB through match.com after speaking on the phone only once. Nothing to be disappointed about that way...and he turned out to be more than I ever allowed myself to dream. :-)Helenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07856254838049366414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-15815317541538727022007-05-30T19:44:00.000-04:002007-05-30T19:44:00.000-04:00Interesting. It takes a long time to reckon with ...Interesting. It takes a long time to reckon with this issue. I'm now at the point where I can distinguish when I genuinely "feel" like a chocolate bar, and when I'm using it as a distraction, crutch, whatever. <BR/><BR/>All I know is that as the song says, the only way out is through. You eat the ice cream, plonk down the credit card, pour a gin and tonic or five, work 70 hours a week - all the b.s. you were trying to bury is still there.<BR/><BR/>Nothing happens till you start shoveling. <BR/><BR/>I really loved your Passing for Thin book. I was actually reading passages from it to people on the phone, usually introduced with "Listen to this! The craft is incredible. This is unbelievably good writing!"<BR/><BR/>I suppose the thought has occurred to you that you feel uncomfortable with being so gifted. [OK. After I post this comment, I'm gonna pour myself a big glass of shut the f*ck up, I swear.}<BR/><BR/>But seriously, you're incredibly hard on yourself at times.Gallishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07819340204360851294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-2551281273031540472007-05-30T19:10:00.000-04:002007-05-30T19:10:00.000-04:00You aren't defined by what you eat or what some in...You aren't defined by what you eat or what some internet guy thinks. I think that the hardest thing to do is to develop that inner sense of "this is me and this is what I deserve" -- and that's the very hard and important work you seem to be doing as you write your latest book.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02700614225224691712noreply@blogger.com