tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post2736339276240882106..comments2024-03-06T05:16:16.411-05:00Comments on car on the hill: I'm Not in Kansas Right NowFrances Kuffelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928021465309402200noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-23202755121224195082010-05-31T23:27:02.630-04:002010-05-31T23:27:02.630-04:00I don't see self-acceptance, though. Maybe it&...I don't see self-acceptance, though. Maybe it's not making it through the keyboard and onto the screen? I'm seeing self-loathing, body shame, body hatred, and sexual acting out in search of self-validation.<br /><br />If that's not what's actually going on for you, I want to encourage you to look closely at whether your writing is expressing what IS going on for you.<br /><br />I would also encourage you to check in with your twelve-step sponsor(s), because the sexual encounter you describe doesn't seem consistent with the kind of mindful decision-making that is many/most people's goal in working the twelve steps.<br /><br />Brush me off if you like, but I hope some of this gets through because your trajectory does not look healthy from where I sit.JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13974691019739092440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-90933489636571197282010-05-21T10:09:08.704-04:002010-05-21T10:09:08.704-04:00I met you in a very different place in your life a...I met you in a very different place in your life and journey. While I respect your right to take this current path, it's not one that I want to follow since I'm in a very different place. I'm with Jen and Vickie that I think you deserve more - but this is YOUR choice, YOUR life, YOUR body, and you need to do what is best for you. I wish you well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-29984855511428081172010-05-21T10:06:33.190-04:002010-05-21T10:06:33.190-04:00I met you in a very different place in your life t...I met you in a very different place in your life than where you are now. It's your life, your body, and you are taking the steps you feel are appropriate. I don't think this part of your journey is something I will follow, since I'm heading in a different direction. I wish you well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-35145026569992947782010-05-21T02:18:03.044-04:002010-05-21T02:18:03.044-04:00Frances, I'm also 53. I thought about doing wh...Frances, I'm also 53. I thought about doing what you're doing and writing a book about it a few years ago, started the "research" but never got around to writing the book. Maybe because I'm not a writer. ;-) I'm very interested in this whole dating while fat and older thing, so I will stay tuned.topazlilycatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-68399919823797740182010-05-20T20:42:43.718-04:002010-05-20T20:42:43.718-04:00Ditto what Jen said.
It is as if you are making ...Ditto what Jen said. <br /><br />It is as if you are making it impossible TO find someone worthy of you this way. . .<br /><br />and maybe that is your point. <br /><br />Maybe you don't want to look anymore. <br /><br />It just feels like self sabotage.Vickiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05452333714845476967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-6825870467218306742010-05-20T14:35:55.264-04:002010-05-20T14:35:55.264-04:00I love love LOVE this post, Frances. It feels triu...I love love LOVE this post, Frances. It feels triumphant and soaring and alive. I read your Assholes blog post and enjoyed (not in a voyeuristic way!) glimpsing the part of your life that intersects with love and sex and all that jazz.<br /><br />When I contrast this post (here on COTH) with things you were blogging last fall, I see tremendous progress and self-knowledge. Thank you for sharing with us.Anne Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14215783161481132340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-6647254005067591252010-05-20T13:52:50.973-04:002010-05-20T13:52:50.973-04:00Frances,
You are so right to seek someone to shar...Frances,<br /><br />You are so right to seek someone to share your life with. You're talented, smart, pretty, with so much to share. I hope that there is a guy out there who is the right one for you. I am always surprised at how many men and women use the internet to find a "significant other," but online dating is very mainstream in this day and age. I trust that you are perceptive enough and smart enough to keep yourself safe while going through this process. If what you are doing gets a bit scary, and your safety and self-respect become compromised, just change the process and the expectations and keep on searching. Best of luck...E. Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04079110676794095541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-85106129288063001542010-05-20T13:22:03.500-04:002010-05-20T13:22:03.500-04:00What made me close my browser window was not that ...What made me close my browser window was not that you had a casual sexual encounter (who cares) but that you seemed to think that it was the only kind of connection that was available to you. And maybe it is, if you are feeling disconnected from yourself. I thought that to read about 100 encounters like that would be incredibly sad and also a little dull. The thing about one-night stands (and I had a few of my own, so I am speaking from experience here) is that they are in some ways all exactly alike. There is the spark of excitement, the rush that someone desires you, and then the letdown that it's over and you still don't feel any better. It's the romantic equivalent of trying to live on nothing but marshmallows.<br /><br />It's not that I disapprove, as much as I hope that you decide you deserve better than that.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02700614225224691712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-24756409587261073192010-05-20T13:12:39.828-04:002010-05-20T13:12:39.828-04:00It sounds like what you are doing is so much healt...It sounds like what you are doing is so much healthier than what I've been through, which is fat = "unfuckable" and thin = "get all the validation from men that I can, while I can." <br /><br />It scared me when I realized that my hottest sexual fantasy would be having some man (really, any man) hold me and tell me I was beautiful. So I checked out SLAA, played with the idea that I'm a sexual anorexic, or maybe bulimic. (Obviously, people much bigger than I have *ever* been have sex, sometimes lots of it.) <br /><br />Now I'm just not dating until I figure out what I *really* want from it that I can't get from my vibrator and my dog. (Mostly from the dog because my SSRIs pretty much make the vibe useless.)Marianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03975224142363059168noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-84379557007855104602010-05-20T13:11:17.745-04:002010-05-20T13:11:17.745-04:00I'm enjoying the writing you've done the l...I'm enjoying the writing you've done the last couple of days and appreciate the hard work behind the shift.Debrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16688413632305911045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-80063564113587105772010-05-20T12:01:06.751-04:002010-05-20T12:01:06.751-04:00Frances, Maybe you're at the point of feeling...Frances, Maybe you're at the point of feeling that You're Enough! and you are pal and standards are great. Being fat doesn't mean we have to accept less in any area of our life. Love you pal, LesAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15680498.post-51903366054600827582010-05-20T11:59:16.526-04:002010-05-20T11:59:16.526-04:00*applauds**applauds*Elisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12180829634228467810noreply@blogger.com